Turn back time

If I could-as much as I don't regret certain things- I would, to yesterday of last week, and trust me I'd do certain things differently. Today I actually thought we might make progress in fixing things with our friendship. Boy, was I wrong. In fact the only thing I discovered was that you can't even stand to be alone with me for longer than 5 minutes. How did we get to this?? Please??? You know whats sad, is that it's our mutual guy friend who acts like a girl who came to my rescue. 
He's the one who didn't even ask why, when I sent him a message saying we needed to catch up. All he did was call me and tell me to meet me at the beach in a hour and we'll have pizza and beers. You have no idea how much I loved that boy then. He could tell something was wrong, just from the text. And we sat on the beach after we gathered our supplies and I told him everything. I was pretty much in tears in his arms, and he just listened. Tried to tell me that everything was going to be ok.


And guess what it gets ever better! When I rocked up, you where there(should I mention how after you left said guy friend even said sorry he didn't ask to meet with you it was pure chance you happened to be there.). And you knew there was something wrong with me when you left, but you didn't even send me a text to find out what it was. Do you even care anymore?? Cause I don't think you do, I really don't. I think I care about you a million times more than you care about me. I wonder if you'd even care if I told you just how sick I really was, like I showed our mutual guy friend. After I finished explaining to him the progress in my medical being he was nearly in tears. And all he could say was  "Fuck, I thought I was bad cause I think I might have lung cancer." And do you think I needed to explain to him why I was upset at work on friday?? No, of course not, he understands that things happen in our pasts and both him and I are lucky to have survived them in one piece. So he knows that if I go quite or weird or get upset, he knows its over something I rather forget. When I told him what happened, he knew instantly that it brought up memories of things I'd much rather forget. 


But I can't even explain that to you, because lately you seem to be avoiding me. And I don't know what to do, everyone else knows I'm upset, everyone else is trying to help me, except you. 
I thought we where that close, that we could tell each other everything. In fact we were even closer than that, but yet you can't tell me whats wrong now?