Yes, this is a rant blog.
So over the past few days I've been pretty sick, wasn't even able to go into work on Saturday.
But I'm not here to rant about that. I'm here because I'm mildly pissed off. Note to people, I don't take to kindly to being ignored. I don't take to kindly to being forgotten. I don't take to kindly to being lied too, because when someone tells you everything is fine and tells you that you guys are good and then acts the opposite. It kind of sends out mixed signals. It's gotten to the stage where I don't even think he wants to talk to me anymore, you'd think he'd know by now that I find out everything. Like how he said he had a hectic day sorry he couldn't text me back. When I know he was having a conversation(texting) with a mutual friend of ours, because she was so worried about me that she text him to see if it was just me he was ignoring, and it was.
I learnt that he doesn't read this, so I don't really care what I say on here anymore. But I don't know what to do, did we just get too close and now this is the result of that? Everyone told me not to get attached, but I didn't listen. Everyone said that I was going to get hurt if I lost him, but I didn't listen. Everyone said he was just like every other guy, but I didn't believe them. But they where right. Things haven't been the same since. We barely talk, we exchange a few small polite texts which are always started by me. I'm the only one making an effort in this friendship anymore. We haven't hung out in a week, which NEVER happens for us. We haven't spoken properly in a week, which also never happens. And each day, the only reason we talk anymore is because I can't stand the silence between us, and I can't stand the fact that he claims that everything is fine, when clearly it isn't.
He's the only one who hasn't noticed that I'm upset, he's the only one not notice that I'm at my wits end over this. Even that silly mutual friend of ours who acts like a girl, who I'm not talking to. Came and sorted things out and asked me who was the guy that was making me upset lately. Of course I didn't tell him his name, but even he notices. So it's impossible that he hasn't noticed, he's clearly just decided to ignore the fact that his best friend is miserable because she feels like she's being ignored and treated extremely unfairly, by the one person who means more to her than anything in this world :(
It feels like I've been used, and by a person who was so close to me, it cuts deep. Real deep. And the worst part is, I'm so afraid to lose him that I wont even bring it up, I'll continue on as if he hasn't been ignoring me and treating me differently. Because that's what you do when you want someone to stay in your life, you'll ignore all the hurt and you'll ignore all the pain and you'll put a smile on your face; just for them.
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