Don't Slip Away

Heres the second one



I wonder if we turned back time
Would you still be my partner in crime?
Could we remember it and smile?
Knowing it was all worthwhile.


Did we really risk it all?
I guess so, cause I'm still waiting for your phone call
Please don't tell me that you're going away
Because then life would become a charcoal grey.


There's so much left to say that hasn't been said
So let's talk it out and not plow straight ahead
If you where to leave me here on my own
Save me the pain and just break my neck bone


The choice is yours I wont plead no more
You know where I am if you want to try once more
Just know I need you like the air I breathe
So please I beg you, don't suffocate me

Unbreakable

Here's some poems I wrote, just about whats happened in the past day or so. It's easier for me to write what I feel then explain it. So here they are. 



My sins I shall not forget
The events just passed I will not regret
Just tell me we can still stand side by side
Even if both our smiles are nothing but empty lies.


We survived this time, but not before
A visit was paid to the steal frame door
Me and you both made it through
To something that I'm hoping will be shiny and new.


Please tell me we can talk it out
Promise me you won't go walk about
I know we crossed some boundry lines
But are bonds are stronger than the ends of time.


I hope that things remain the same
Because without you, lifes just lame
Forgive me if I'm sounding rude, but honestly what would you do?
Without me, there is no you. 

Don't leave me like this

So yesterday was Australia day. Lets just say we're not going to talk about it. But I'm quitting alcohol. And a list of other things too. No, I'm not quitting because I got a shocking hangover. I'm quitting because I got really really drunk and did something that I rather forget about. 


Right now the only place I want to be is in a ball crying my eyes out, because that's what I feel like doing. I feel like I've ruined my friendship with my Bestest Friend ever, even though he reckons nothings going to change. I don't even think I'm going to be able to face going to work tomorrow. I've messed up a lot in my life, but this feels pretty big. It's not even a month into the new year and already life is filled with drama I much rather be without. 


I don't know what to do, all I want is to be with my Best Friend and have him assure me that everythings fine. Even if he is lying, I don't care. I just need to hear him say it. I don't think I've stopped crying all day or since it happened. I'm really scared, more than I've ever been before. It feels like I'm in a bad dream and I'm waiting to wake up, but I'm not going too. 

Not Like the Movies

Happens to be the name of the Katy Perry song I'm listening to right now :) She's right though, life is totally not like the movies. Not at all. But oh well, nothing you can do with it. 


So update, since I've been kinda busy lately. Work was really good, then it got really bad and then my Best Mate showed up and things got so much better, cute guy wasn't there though. Sunday I went to the local pub where our boss was playing Dj at, spent it with the Best Mate and it was a free drinking sesh. Then moved to the local bar, which was really good too :) And then finally back to our bosses house for more drinks hahah yes, it was a long day. Tell me about it. I can hardly even remember what I did yesterday. I think I slept and caught up on my well needed sleep. And then today, I went and took some of my family who are over on a holiday to the Zoo. The Zoo is always a fun place to be :)


Anyways, the Bestie made dinner tonight, it was really good too hahha. It served as a good distraction after having yet another fight with the guy friend who acts like a girl. I don't have time for friends who treat me like crap and only use me to get a job at the Club. I've seen what friendship is, my Best Friend showed me that, and I know now that I deserve and have been given better. Oh and that chick I was talking about before, that the Best Friend was seeing, well she's no longer a concern :) 


Now that I'm still listening to that song, I remember a thought I had in my head a few days ago. True Love. Does. Not. Exist. Sorry to burst your bubble people. But thats just the truth. In fact theres no even such thing as Love, in the Romantic sense of course. My Best Friend would probably kill me if he saw that haha, we've finally found a way to describe our friendship to people, since Best Friends no longer seems to do justice anymore. We are in a non-sexual open relationship haha. Yea, we can have some pretty random thoughts. Anyways, back to there being no such thing as Love. To find someone you Love is to find yourself open to be hurt, and trust me loving someone is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not too. 


People will ALWAYS hurt you, they may not mean it or do it on purpose, but they will do it. And that is something you will just have to have happen to you before you understand that I'm right. 

What a great start to the weekend

Well even given my determination to stay in a bad mood, it didn't happen. The Best Friend has this annoying way of making me smile and laugh even when I don't want too. I guess that's what he's there for :) He scared the life out of me yesterday when I rocked up at his house to get him for work and he told me he had something to tell me. I thought he was going to tell me he was going out with Her. Turns out that was so not the case, thank God. Luckily we're now both on the same wave length as each other about her. As I said before he's not working tonight, because he's going to a party with Her and her friend and an old mutual guy friend of ours, and this morning after work he decided it was his personal mission to try and pick up at this party, even though She is there. Should be fun haha. 


Oh and that guy friend, that was being a jerk cause it's his time of the month? Well he realized he was being a jerk and tried to say sorry, but as I told the Best Friend he's only saying sorry because he wants a job at the Club and I don't take to kindly to people only being friends with me because they want something off me. 


Ages ago, the Best Friend decided that I needed to start seeing a guy this year, so he can try out the guidelines on him. He's been wanting to go through these for ages. And since I hate dating, it's kinda hard lol. But last night at work, a guy thats been trying to pick me up for ages came in. He hasn't been in for a while. And he's decided that I'm "the one" lol it's very cute. The Best friend got to see first hand what the guy is like when he talks to me, and would start laughing anytime he heard what he was saying, or make comments. I felt sorry for the poor guy, cause my Best Friend can look very scary to those who don't know he's just a cute teddy bear, until you piss him off or do wrong by me. Then he's an angry bear >.< But apparently this guy gets brownie points cause he was willing to take a beating off my Best Friend, for one kiss off me. Because it would be totally worth it. 


Ooohh and this morning I woke up with the cutest voice message from my manager, totally made my day ^__^ it was sooo sweet. Anyways now that I'm in a really good mood, I gonna head. It's about time to start getting ready to go back to work, probably pop in and see the Best Friend along the way, and maybe go and see one of my Bar girls. Because she's leaving to go home to Scotland for 6 weeks :( I know sad. But yea. 


Over and Out :)

Fading Memories

Heres to the memories we wish we could forget
The ones filled with suffering and regret
To the times we wish they would just go away
But instead when you close your eyes, their here to stay.


Maybe one day time will let them fade
Consumed by the darkness and hidden from the day
Does life get a kick out of watching me bleed
For when I close my eyes that vision is all I see


Crystal clear tear drops never cease to fall
Their a sign I still remember it all
Memories are fickle little things
They'll convert your mind and trust me they will win


The images never go away
The thoughts, my dear, will haunt you night and day
Don't think for a second that your feelings will start to behave
They'll stay with you, like the memories, till the day you take them to your grave

Ranting

Once again, this has been an eventful past couple of days. On Tuesday night, the Best Friend asked me to join him and The Girl and her friend on a night out. Turns out I really like the Girl, when I'm too drunk to care who she is :) So I can like her and be honestly happy around her, but only when I've got alcohol in me. What does that say?? I can of course pretend to like her when she's around. I've being doing it for the past 2 weeks and it seems to be working, no one other than the Best Friend can tell that I'm being completely fake.I found out some interesting facts about her too, me being me and having to look out for the Best Friend of course, did some digging. Well more like I asked around, turns out that I was right about my new opinion about her. According to the person I asked who has worked with her for a few years, her personality is exactly as I described it, high maintenance, attention seeking, drama queen and extremely flirty. Need I say any more on what I now think of her?? Good. 


I'm once again fighting with that guy friend who acts like a girl. I swear it's his time of the month or something. It would explain all his mood swings. He's going to have a bigger hissy fit soon when he finds out that I got a mutual girl friend of ours a job a club, even though I told him I would get him one. But when he keeps on having these mood swings that results in him being rude and arrogant towards me, does he really think I'm going to do him this favor? Once again, I rest my case. 


I've just finished writing another poem, it's been a while. I'll post it up after. It kinda mirrors what my mood is like around this time of year. I'm never very happy during these 2 days of the year. Ever. And to make matters worse, I've got work tonight and all I'll really want to do is curl up in a ball. And tomorrow I'll want to do the same, but I've gotta work then too, the only difference is my Best Friend wont be there, so it'll be harder to pretend I'm happy when all I'll want to do is cry. He's going out with Her. I've decided thats what I shall call her from now on, Her. Because I've already decided what I think of her and nothing is going to change my mind. 


And yes, I am in a horribly bad ranting mood, in case you hadn't noticed by now. 

High Maintenance

Yes I am in one of those nasty moods, due to a series of very unfortunate events and wish to vent about the world, or maybe just certain aspects within my life :)


Well where do I start. I went to the club today, cause my manager asked me to lunch because he wanted to talk to me. Turns out that was code for, "I want to yell at you because I want you to feel completely worthless and make you think your doing a shit job managing bar." And for my other boss to spend the whole time making highly inappropriate comments regarding your chest, it's great to know that you're bosses hired you purely because you have a nice "rack" for them to stare at -_____-" Then after all that, they proceed to turn on each other, leaving me in the middle of world war 3. To make matters worse, when I finally managed to leave the club, to my annoyance and anger, I discovered I had received a parking fine. Yep, and that totally made my day ^___^


While in my nasty mood, I receive a call from a person who is practically my other half, yes it is the bestest friend ever. Who doesn't yet quite realize the extent and level of my frustration and anger. He called me and mentioned that he was with the girl (yes this is the girl who got a blog all to herself and was mentioned in one of my earlier blogs) funnily enough the moment I got off the phone with him I knew exactly what she was and what I thought of her, having struggled for the past few days to figure her out, high maintenance. Having met and spoke to her well over 4 times, I think any judgement I make now should be well and truly sound. The girl is meant to be "seeing" my best friend, but while at a bar yesterday she shamelessly not only throws herself at him, but at our boss as well! I don't know about you guys but to me that says enough, if she can't keep her hands to herself when she's right in front of the guy she's meant to be seeing or whatever. What chance does she have of keeping them to herself when their dating and he's not around?
I rest my case.

The Girl

Ok, so I said I wouldn't make a comment about this chick my best friend is seeing until I met her a few times. Well she's been on the scene for a week now, and since the best friend asked me what I thought of her on Friday, I figured it was due time to state what I thought. Given he did drag me along to their second date since she insisted on friends being present for the first 2 dates. Weird huh? 


There's nothing that I particularly dislike about her, but then at the same time there's nothing that I really like about her either there's nothing wrong with her. So I'm kinda sitting in the fence here, I don't hate her, but I can't say that I like her either. I'm kind of indifferent to her. Well actually I take that back, when I first met her she kinda did my head in. She came and joined us at the pub after they had finished their first date, which was a double date thing so her best friend came too. And yea, there was a few things she did that I wasn't to fond of. That and the guy I was with (who must be treated like a girl) pointed out that she looked like my best friends ex-girlfriend, and for once he's actually right, she does. She was loud, annoying, trying way to hard and continually being condescending to her friend, who's voice was also annoying me. But on the second date she didn't bother me as much and I got along with her friend.   


So as you can see, I really don't know what to make of her. They went on a third date last night, which is really only their first date in my opinion since it was their first date without friends. And if you;ve read my best friends blog you'll see that he wont officially go out with her until I approve, I kinda need to figure out if I approve of her or not lol. 

Weekends are full on!

Wow, now that was one hell of a weekend. Which is why I haven't written anything in a while, work was pretty hectic, as a nightclub generally is. I think hectic is the wrong choice of words, more like chaotic or stressful or mentally breaking. Being Bar Manager does have it's downers and that's having to deal with all the little issues that go wrong and bringing them to the head managers who...well are just as stressed and pissed off as you. I don't think I need to explain to you what happens. But I work with my best friend, so somehow between the both of us, we managed to barely get through the weekend without killing anyone :) 


That guy I mentioned in a previous blog was there, so that helped. As much as I had every intention on ignoring him and barely talking to him, I ended up doing the exact opposite. I did try too, so I guess I should get kudos for that right?? He's just one of those guys thats hard to ignore, and even harder to be cold and nonchalant too. If anything I probably dug myself a bigger hole, but oh well, it stopped me from potentially killing management and resigning. 


Tonight I got a call from a friend asking me to go hang out with him, it's not often he does something like this, and I wanted to get out of the house. So I went. I'm still not sure whether or not it was a mistake to go, said friend has a way of saying things that make you think and get to you. He doesn't mean it, it's just when he's in a sad and down mood he manages to affect my view on things for a few days. Which is exactly what he manged to do tonight, without even trying. So right now after seeing him I'm left feeling very lost, confused and sad. As I said, he can sometimes have this effect on me. 


I never said my thought train would be sane, logically or happy. But I did tell you it was random and weird. So after my night tonight I'm left pondering the question. How can someone decide that they have achieved all they were meant too with their life and that it's their time? I don't believe that anything you're going through is ever bad enough for a person to decide that. Never. Tomorrow is a different day and you have no idea what it could bring.  Anyways, I'll write again tomorrow, when I'm bound to have something a little less depressing to blog about :)

Before it's too late

Just a little lyrical poem I wrote a few months ago which kinda leads on from my adorable little morbid thoughts yesterday :) See what ya think.


Before it's too late



What if tomorrow refused to come?
What if the world said it’s done?
If darkness never became light,
And good refused to prevail in the fight. 


Will death finally take hold of us all?
Will it be the one to stand and watch us fall?
Hollowed from the sins of our own creation,
We don’t even deserve the honour of meeting our maker. 


Should we not cry as we return to dust?
Should we not bleed when the world melts to the crust?
It no longer rains, but pours,
To try and force us from this world


If we should die before we wake,
Can you say you’ll leave with a guilt free plate?
Are you ready to take your last breathe and walk away?
Deadly sure that there is nothing left for you to say?


Can you look everyone you know in the eye,
Sure that you’ll hold no regrets when you die?
Can you read this and know for sure it’s not about you?
That you’re not the one I’m talking too?

A socially intriguing night

So tonight I went to meet up with a friend that I had a fairly big falling out with. It was tedious to say the least, but entertaining. The guy I was meeting can be such a girl sometimes, and the best way to handle him is to treat him like one. He must be handled with care, he is very sensitive and can be very delicate. You would never tell a girl she looks stupid so you never let him think anything he is saying is unimportant. Trust me, you will get the same reaction from him as you would a girl if you told her she was ugly. And right now, you're probably laughing because you think I'm joking, trust me, I'm very serious.


Afterwards my best mate, who was out on this weird first date double date kinda thing, came and joined us. Said best friend will probably end up reading this at some stage so I wont tell you what I thought of her yet. (I'll save that for a special featured edition of the blog, which will be dedicated purely to her ^__^) Said best friend will also be in shock to see that I've had my blog up and running since the start of the week, while he only set his up today and then demanded that I made an account so I could follow it. I'd check it out, it's highly hilarious, a blog about how girls should come with an instruction manual.


Pheww, totally nearly just lost my life for a second. I closed down the page and thought I'd lost everything I typed. Thank god for auto save! Anyways where was I. Oh yea, his blog. I think it's highly amusing personally >>>>>>heres where you can find it >>>>> http://instructionmanuals101.blogspot.com/


I ended up on an hour and a half drive, I was being the best friend and dropping one of his friends home, and an intriguing thought came to mind. We surround ourselves by people who we grow attached too and assume that they have the same attachment/bond to you in return. But what if something where to happen to you tomorrow, or today?? The people that came to visit you at home or in the hospital, would they be the ones you expected to visit?? Or would the ones you expected too not even bother to show their faces?? As morbid as it is, I'd love to be at my own funeral, just so I could see who would turn up, who would pretend to care when I know they don't, that kinda thing.
Just a little something to think about :)

The complications of emotions

I'm sure everyone has been in this exact same situation at some time in their lives. Whether it's right now, last week, last year, or even a few years ago, but the fact is; we have all been here. And here, might you ask, is in a position where you find you have feelings or are starting to have feelings for someone you either should or can't have. 


This is my current predicament. See there's this guy from work, but he has a girl and he's been with her forever. Well, not literally, but what seems like forever. Every time we're working together we always have the best fun and practically spend the entire shift flirting and having a laugh, but it means nothing, it's just a bit of harmless fun. And I know that sometimes he wishes that he wasn't in such a serious relationship, that he could just go out and have some fun, cause we've talked about it before. Simply because they've been together during the years that everyone else was going out and just being a teenager.


But this weekend I realized that somewhere along the way, I kinda forgot that it was all just a game, and now I'm in one of my annoying phases where I think this guy is the hottest thing since sliced bread. Since I go in and out of phases with what guy I like all the time, I'm not expecting it to last very long, but its irritating in the meantime. And because I can't have him, it's makes it even harder to get off the phase, because I always want what I can't have and I generally don't stop till I get it. It's one of those childish infatuations where you can't get them out of your head and you somehow always end up thinking about them.


I'll keep you posted on the situation.

First Blog!

Woohoo! So for some strangely odd reason I have this odd sense of satisfaction about finally getting round to writing my first blog, I'm not sure why. Probably because I've wanted to try and set up a proper one for sometime now, my thoughts can be quite erratic and have a weird way of viewing things. 


It's the start of yet another year, and I guess I just want to document this year in some way. If the past few years are anything to go by, then this year will certainly be as eventful if not more adventurous than the last. And I kinda want something I can read and look back on in a few months and go "wow, did we really do that!" Like so far into the new year my bestfriend and I have already attempted to go cow-tipping in the middle of no-where while strongly under the influence, sung drunken karaoke in our local pub and gone to a strip club all in the space of 10 days. Not a bad effort, hey? And this was without even trying, this kind of stuff happens to us on a regular basis. 


We where only just talking about it yesterday, how much things have changed in the space of a year. It's crazy. Neither of us thought we would end up where we are today, but heyy thats life for you sometimes. Oh and when I say we, I mean myself and my best friend, we're practically joined at the hip, oh and yes he's a guy and no we're not going out! Haha 


Well I guess thats all for now, until I find something to properly post about :)